[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
If this suit has a GPS tracking system,
how come I can't see where I am?
I guess it's an anti-theft feature.
I would've stolen this a long time ago
if I realized how functional it was.
Or, the other wa-- no, wait.
I came from there. Shit.
It looks like someone started
on my water park idea.
I guess this would be
for tubing beginners?
I bet you alternate the
flooding from different tubes
so you get knocked around from
the different torrents.
I like where they were going with this.
They need to expand the length
of the canals, though.
HECU: Recon... in... position...
All... quiet...
And get rid of the special forces unit.
That's going to make for a
shitty theme for a water park.
The customers shouldn't have to be
packing heat in order to finish the ride.
I really am kind of surprised
these guys haven't given up by now.
I mean, sure, they're following orders,
so they're not going to give up.
If I was running this thing, I
would go and--
HECU: Sir... all... zero...
movement... over...
Good, they didn't see me.
I guess they thought the
water splashing was a fish.
But, yeah, whatever the name of
this mission originally was,
it's probably being called
Operation Fuckup by now.
If I was in charge and one man
was killing every single soldier
I sent to kill him, I would
try something else.
Hell, I could BE a general;
I have enough combat experience by now.
I'm going to sing about it.
They can't stop me.
I am the very model
of a modern Major-General
I have information vegetable,
animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England,
and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo,
in order categorical.
I'm very well acquainted, too,
with matters mathematical
I understand equations,
both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem,
I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about
the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at integral and
differential calculus
I know the scientific names
of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable,
animal, and mineral
I am the very model
of a modern Major-General.
I know our mythic history,
King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I answer hard acrostics,
I've a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the
crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor
peculiarities parabolous.
You know, this song is kind of dated.
It's supposed to be MODERN
Major-General...
I'm going to add a new verse.
I can fire at a target and
hit it at least half the time
Or graph out an electron path
while using only numbers prime
I calculate the fall rate of a
bullet shot a thousand yards
And perforate the thick heads of
a hundred military guards.
I can make a simulation of an
atom bomb and build one, too
Or flank a dozen men and ambush
ten of them out of the blue
From SMGs to RPGs,
I carry quite an arsenal
And skip around a warzone
like a subatomic particle.
Okay, c'mon! Sing and I won't kill you!
...those of you that are left, I mean...
Every soldier out here wants to
kill me for my curiosity
I wage war on the whole damned
world because of my tenacity
In matters combat tactical and
physics theoretical
I am the very model
of a modern Major-General.
All right, no one else is even
TRYING to sing along. I quit.
Okay, delivery for Mr. Abrams.
Oh, c'mon, I know someone's home.
No, I don't need a signature.
You have a nice day.
Yeah, I kind of what to keep moving.
I get the feeling someone may have
heard the sounds of multiple tank shots
Sometimes people
investigate that sort of thing.
Yeah! Yeah! I think
I'm under investigation.
On the plus side,
this guy is shooting rockets.
That means if I die, I'll see it
coming. That's cool, right?
I'm trying to find the silver lining here!
[rockets launching, explosions]
[rockets launching, explosions]
I bet you didn't know
I could dance, did you?!
I'm not intruding or anything, am I?
I figure you guys are cool and all.
I'm just going to kind of chill
out here if that's cool.
I figure it's like my place is your place
and the other way around and stuff,
so I'm just cashing in on that.
Hey, I'm just going to borrow this gun.
I'll give it back, I swear.
You can ask anybody, I'm good for it.
I just need it for a little bit.
Like, you won't believe this but
there's like this big misunderstanding
and something going on with me.
And I have to set the record straight
and stuff so you know how that is.
Like, I don't know what this guy's deal
is but he's really pissed at me
like I was trying to start
something with him.
I mean, everybody knows me and I
would totally not do something like that.
So, this is all bullshit.
Like, I've never tried to
piss anyone off in my life,
so why should I start with him?
Does he think he's special or something?
I just don't go around doing someth-
[machine gun shots, explosions]
That's the problem with tanks:
they're designed for this.
It's a shame I have to take out
this tank, because, man,
if I could convince operator to just
walk away and give me the keys,
I could be like that dude in San Diego
who stole a tank and the entire
police force couldn't stop him.
[machine gun fire, explosion]
Besides me being awesome!
I was hoping to hit the operator,
but obviously something else happened.
If I had time, I'd love to do a
ballistics simulation to try and come up
with a theory as to how shooting a tank
with bullets can make it explode.
It must've ricocheted and
ruptured a shell lying around.
You can't BUY that kind of luck.
Nice. Motion-sensored rusted garage door.
Wow. My knees are wobbly again.
I think I'm just going to take a
break in case there's another tank
aimed at me right outside the other door.
Besides, this looks like
a party room, anyway.
Yeah, if I was a general, I would just
use nerve gas and be done with it.
I don't even have a helmet.
They can't figure that out.